Memories of Friends and Loved Ones

September 30, 2009 — My oldest grandson is a 17-yr old, a junior in high school, and a trombone player in the school band. He is going through the loss of a friend that on Monday died somehow...a fellow band mate and someone my grandson was close to. I am not at all sure what happened as I have only learned of this through my grandson's postings on Facebook. He had two postings there today the first of which was about how sad it was in the band room all day today and that he "cried for the first time in a VERY long time." His other posting was a bit disturbing as he stated how he had been "harsh to him (his friend) and then he died. Now I feel like it is my fault...and I can't go back and fix it." Several of my grandson's friends have replied to this last posting telling him that it is not his fault and not to blame himself....all very good advice. I replied that life can be hard at times and when it is that is the time to be strong and stand tall. I said it was important to cherish the memory of his friend and not to cloud it with guilt feelings even though that feeling is real...it is a wasted feeling.

What's important here? First and foremost it is very important to help this young man get through a very difficult period that is hard for him to understand. I hope his school is making counselors available, for the friends of the young person that died, to talk with if they feel the need to do so. It is important that he and his other friends lean on each other for support and understanding. It is important that my grandson's family be there for him and help him understand and deal with this difficult time. There are even more fundamental lessons to be learned or relearned here for all of us.

How many times have we heard the saying that you should never go to bed mad at someone. How you should give that loved one a kiss and a "I love you" when walking out the door to go to work in the morning. Is it really easier to stay mad at a loved one over a disagreement or is it better to find a resolve to the disagreement and end it with a hug or a handshake...even if the resolve is that you agree to disagree? These thoughts and questions and others have come to me as I have read about my grandson's loss and feelings of guilt.

You never know in this life what is down the road. There are many peaks and valleys. We so often rejoice and revel in the highs and let the lows really knock us down. One thing is for sure...the love of a friend or family member is a most cherished gift. When we loose that friend or loved one we naturally feel remorse and a deep sense of loss. But their gift of love and yours in return lives on if we only let it. If we let that love and memory live in all it's goodness, then we are indeed standing tall in our grief and...it's what really matters!