Just What Do You Mean?

March 14, 2010 — My oldest grandson is almost 17-years old and really a pretty good guy. He is bright, likes to be involved, plays in the school band, and many other things. But, he is just almost 17 and is just down right perplexing sometimes in what he says. He is an avid user of the social media Facebook as I am and that is where my concern for him arises.

Now I'll be the first to admit that I am far removed from the language and in many cases the thought processes of young people today. Having just helped raise my own son who is now 20-years old through his teen years, I realize I did some things right and then there were some things I did not do correctly. That is okay and I certainly can't change any of it, but I can learn from it and use the experiences in my relationship with my grandson. One thing is for sure...I did not understand a good deal of what my son was often saying and doing and I find that to be the case again with the grandson. It is important for me to approach these issues with him differently.

I am not wanting to spend a lot of time in learning how young people of today think and feel...I know it is different then when I was there age. I do, however, owe them a measure of respect in being willing to listen. There has been and is much said about respect...that it cannot be demanded and has to earned is one thing that stands out. I am of the "old school" view on this though. If I am the Dad or the Grandad, then by virtue of that fact I deserve respect. I deserve to hear yes sir and no sir, please and thank you, those common courtesies I was taught as a young man that demonstrate a measure of respect. I deserve the courtesy of not being talked back to and answers to my questions when I ask some thing like...Just what do you mean? At the same time, I know I must show and share my experiences with the young in a respectful manner. Unfortunately, this is an issue that I am far apart on with my grandson or it is becoming increasingly apparent that is the case.

I am also of the "old school" on the issue of responsibility. My life experiences have taught me that having to take responsibility for my word and action is inescapable. This more then anything else in today's world is what young people do not understand and consistently demonstrate they have little tolerance for. As it was with my son, it is also the case with my grandson. He feels he can say whatever pops into his head whether or not it is rational, factual, or truthful. He quite often shows that he does not care whatsoever if his words hurt or could be misunderstood. More times than not he is not very forthcoming in an explanation when asked what he means. Okay he is young and he certainly does not yet have the advantage of many life experiences. But now is the time to start learning those sometimes hard lessons of life...that words and actions do hurt sometimes more then the cut of a knife...that you do have to take responsibility.

I cannot demand that my grandson learn these things. However, I can continue to ask the questions when I do not understand...to continue to attempt to have active dialog with him albeit long distance...to share my experiences with him...to listen to his side of the story. To do otherwise would be irresponsible on my part. I am bound and determined to help and show him how much I care...it's what really matters!