I Know Who You Are

April 12, 2010 — The following is both therapeutic and hard for me to blog. I have felt for sometime that I needed to do this, but wondered just how I could best present how I feel without it seeming like I was wallowing in self-pity which I am not. So, what follows is an open letter to my son...

Dear Son:

I have known for sometime now that I needed to write this letter to you. I do not know if you will ever read this, but I do know that it will be here if you choose to do so. It was almost 19-years ago that your mother and I divorced. You were barely 2-years old and I knew then that I would have a presence in your life. Your mother and I never really bickered over sharing the responsibilities of raising you and we did so as best we could given the circumstances. Oh, there is not doubt that mistakes were made on our part. There always seemed to be this issue or that we had to get through and we did. I knew as you got older that there were challenges to be met and for my part I did so and again not without error. I know now what those errors were...and I also know that I cannot go and undue them.

As you began your journey through your teen years we shared a lot. We made some trips together and we played some golf together. There were many joys and some sorrows. I was so proud and tried to be very supportive of your involvement in the Drum Line. It was a great experience for us both. I realized that you wanted very much to begin making your own decisions about things and I knew this was a process that you must learn and be able to exercise. I also knew that you did not possess the life experiences to help you make good and healthy decisions right away and there were often times I felt it my responsibility to protect you from things I felt that you were not quite ready to handle. To this day I feel that was right and what a father that loves his son should do. But you persisted and as I now realize you were not ready and you did make some decisions that have led you to where you are now.

As we both know today there are things that I cannot protect you from as much as I may want to do so. That want is there because I am your father. That wanting to protect never seems to change for a parent that cares and loves for their children. God intended for it to be that way...it never, ever changes!

I have been given so much advice over the past several years concerning our relationship. Most of that advice has been good and sound. I know the immediate future for you holds many scary and challenging situations. They are necessary because that is the law of this land and it must be obeyed. Without the Rule of Law we have chaos and it is my fervent hope that you will begin to change your attitude about the law and realize that what I say is true...that you cannot remain on a path of doing your own thing and that everybody else must adjust to your ways...it is my hope that you begin to realize that your belief that as long as you are not doing something to hurt others that it is perfectly okay for you to do what you want. Surely you must realize that you have been lying to yourself about that. It is undeniable that what you have been doing not only hurts yourself, but indeed does hurt others.

And now comes the accountability and the taking of the responsibility for your actions. I know this...accountability and responsibility are undeniable. It is a life long journey in learning about them. Oh, there are those that will profess that they know all about it, but in my opinion they are in denial of some sort. One does not just simply wake up one morning and know it all. It is not possible because we are not done at any set time in experiencing life except when death comes. Each new day that we live presents new and interesting challenges...and along with those challenges comes accountability and responsibility for our actions in meeting them.

I also know this...at the very heart of my soul I know this...I know who you are and I know where you come from. I know that down deep inside you there resides a man that has a goodness about him. I know that down deep there is that something special that will allow you to rise above your bad decisions, own up to your mistakes, that something special that will teach you and guide you along in your years. That something special comes from the goodness of your family, of our caring, and of our unconditional love for one another. It is my prayer that this something special inside you will soon be ignited and soar like a rocket...it is what really matters!

Love,

Dad