The 4-Yr Old and the Word No

August 30, 2009 — Wanda and I have a "boat load' of grandchildren between us. Ranging in age from 16 to 1 ½ there are 13 of the youngsters and in December number 14 will join the group. So as far as numbers go we could field a good football or baseball team. Keeping up with these kids is another matter. To most of them I am known as Paw Paw Burkett and Wanda is known as Grammaw. Personally I like being known as Paw Paw.

Grandparents are important in the development of a young child. Oh we don't necessarily possess anymore parenting skills than Mom and Dad do, but we do have the advantage of experience behind us. Wanda and I have not been spending as much time with the grandchildren as we should lately. So, yesterday we had 4-yr old Tommy come spend the night with us.

Young Mr. Tommy can be a real challenge. He is an extremely bright and energetic youngster. He often times thinks he knows everything and doesn't mind telling you so. When asked a question sometimes though the answer does not fit the question. For instance if you address him by his name Tommy he will say..."No my name is not Tommy...it's BooBoo"...that being the affectionate name Grammaw has given him. So, taken in context little Tommy is right in that statement. On other occasions you can state the most obvious thing to him and his answer is..."No it's not!" No is singularly the most prevalent word in his vocabulary. His parents tell us that one of the things he likes to tell his Mom when told to do something is..."No, I don't have to." He can get away with that with his Mom, but knows not to try it with his Dad. He also does not say sat that to me or Grammaw. So, it seems he is selective with that word No.

Is any of this unusual? NO it's not. He is only 4-yrs old and is prone to pick up on most words he hears around him and guess where those come from...yup, we the adults. It never ceases to amaze me when I see a young child get chastised for saying something that he picked up from the adults around him or her. So often it is the parent, grandparent, or friend that gets in the way of teaching a child that certain words just should not be used. Now the word No isn't one of those words. It's use in communication can be very important. The real challenge is acknowledging when it is used properly and also when it is not so. We as adults often get frustrated and upset when that is all we think we hear from a child..."No, I..." There is a real opportunity to teach a child when this communication is going on. We as adults must play down our frustrations and seize the moment to do some good parenting or grandparenting...to grab ahold of the chance to do some effective communication with someone that is just learning how to get along in a family and ultimately the world...it's what really matters!